Wednesday, September 28, 2005 

Bastards

I am green grass
Cultivated by the Joneses
With whom you are not keeping up
I am freshly mowed
And smell of summer
I am acrid and bewitching
I am greener than that patch you tend

Yes, come put your barefeet in my soft locks
Step into my brilliance
Reflecting sunshine
And so full
Your patch looks withered and brown
From over here
Your patch looks lifeless next to me

It wouldn't take much, you know?
Some fertilizer
A sprinkler
You say it's a drought
I say put a bucket in the rain
Collect that essence and share it
You say you'd rather picnic elsewhere
As you inch your toe under the fence

Yes, come put your barefeet in my soft locks
Do you recall your patch last spring?
Green, brilliant
Like me
Now overtaken with grubs
Eating away at the root
The source
For lack of care
Or perhaps simply life's cycle
We feed on what we can, after all

I am green grass and I've been lucky
I am not impervious to grubs
Nor drought
Nor carelessness lavished upon me by an indifferent hand
I do not implore you to desire me
I do not hope for your tending
I am simply green
Lush
Brilliant
Soft
And you are watching me from walls
Too solid to bend

Friday, September 16, 2005 

You Are Not Good Enough

You are not good enough
There
It's been said

I've been watching your uselessness float all around me
Dust or cigarette smoke
Dancing through a window's slit sunlit breeze
Mesmerizing
And without value

You are not worth my time
Precious, lovely man
Who will someday surely be right
And might be for me, but for my self-possession
And your lack of interest
And my demands
Your hands are closed and tight
Fighting off humanity

I embrace
I stand arms wide open
Exposing my pink, wide, soft stomach
Flab and fat hiding muscle and strength hiding all the shit I've ever swallowed
Infallibility
You are useless to me

You are not good enough
There
I've said it
Not enough, not enough
Words echoing through me
And I realise you hold your pain as I mine
You hold your shame and deny
Time and space and waste and history
We are molded into we

Though I feel your small pump pump
Of love and ache
A manly stake
Whose burden I could shoulder
I see
You are not good enough for me
A waste of mine

I'll not be yours
Precious, lovely man
You are not good enough
There
I've said it
So let's no longer play this cat and mouse
While we espouse our hypocrisy
You are strong, bright, tough
But you muffle my heart

You are not good enough

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 

And Then

And Then
Just when I thought I was done
I learned I was not
Years more of walking and waking
Working towards love
Loving towards home
Awaiting an embrace
That can not come
I have these struggles
They fuel the heart, I know I know
And just when I thought
They would be no more
Subside into substance and sustainance and freedom
I learn they are the embrace
They are the beauty
Melancholy and whistful and ugly as my most foul version of me

There is discomfort
Itching with anxiety
Eyes tracking left to right to left
Or is it right to left to right
Let's let go, yeah?
Let's let go and live this
This beauty, hideous and filthy
Is all mine
I will shout it out
Naked and raw
Terrain just awaiting navigation
I embrace love, trite and ignorant and sappy and all
And I am proud of
Did you hear?
I said proud of
Even that ugliest and most foul version of me

Yes Indeedy: September 2005