Yes Indeedy

There is talk of a wall
The pain through which one fights
In order to reach
A next plane
A new place
A transcendence
This talk I have disregarded
As baffling and strange
Even as I have beared down
Jaw clamped on wood
Voice clamped on heart
And forged ahead through shame

My life's work
Yes, fine
Those who know may disagree
But my life's other work to me
Addiction barring loss of function
Sedation barring loss of pay
In the service of numbness
Of staving off pain
I wish not to feel
The cool heat
Nor to allow these muscles to spasm
React
I have honed my skills
Perfected my craft
Watch as I masterfully
Dull the reply

Imagine my surprise
A well-known ache turned torture
Wheezing into life
Gasping for purpose
I reach with all of me
And pull into this new existence
Arms and legs working resistance
Like a lover whose weaknesses
I know
Better than he
Still gliding with momentum
I've not yet turned to see if the wall
Looks different
From this side